A Goodbye To A Dear Friend (written by Lynn Wiley. My Mom's best childhood friend.)

Friday, September 18, 2009 at 7:01pm

I have witnessed the final chapter in my dear friend, Louann's life unfold over the
past couple of months, and sorely need to vent my breaking heart. While our long
friendship, ended only by her youthful passing, has brought me to tears many times
these past few weeks, nothing has touched my heart more profoundly as the
devotion, self-sacrifice, steadfast love and total commitment to her that her
family's core essence embraced. Abundantly blessed (despite physical affliction),
she was the recipient of a love so deep and so wide that it held no boundaries.
An indescribable love, that could only be commanded by a virtuous human being.
In Jim, she found her soul mate, a spouse who embodied God's mandate to love
his wife, even as Christ loved the church. Through Louann's exemplary actions as
a Christian daughter, compassionately caring for her elderly mother, was laid the
foundational framework for the very reverence, admiration, commitment and love
we've seen her own daughters lavish upon her these past few weeks. It is almost
unfathomable for us to even imagine that she could ever possibly been loved
more. Mortal in our limitations, we could not be more wrong. Even in our knowing
that she is, indeed, loved more & happy beyond our comprehension, we are left
here, still holding unto this enormous mass of love we have for her, and not
knowing what to do with it. We are just not ready to give it to someone else, because
it is for Louann, and Louann alone. Over time, as we journey through the grieving
process, we will give it up though. albeit just a little bit at a time, and never all of
it, but always keeping just enough to fill that space in our hearts that will always
be reserved for Louann, and for Louann alone.

(My Dad's comment back)
I just saw the letter you posted to Lou. It was indeed a beautiful tribute to a beautiful lady. You could feel the passion that it was written with. For me, Lou's passing is bittersweet. My "Hero" is finally at peace. She taught me so much, especially after she was diagnosed with MS. She showed me what faith, hope and especially what love truly was. When we first met, we were attracted to each other physically and emotionally. Then, after we were married, our love grew and we became one. Later, after the MS became part of her life, our love changed. It, the MS, challenged our love. For me, there was this beautiful woman who years earlier said "for better or worse". I also remember saying those very same words. Lynn, I prayed to our Lord many times and asked that He would pass that MS to me instead. She suffered so much, yet through that suffering, she remained strong. I was truly amazed. It was only after years of CONSTANT pain and the inability to move,that she slowly was losing her will to fight. That was so hard for me to watch and be able to do nothing physically. Day by day, things kept getting worse. Then, she had trouble swallowing. When she would take a drink, there were times she would choke. She fought hard! She finally came to a moment in her life that she was no longer in control. Lynn, that moment was the hardest moment in my life. She turned to look at me, stared into my eyes and softly said" it's time for me to go home". I will never forget those words. It felt as if part of me was dying. She taught me what real love is. Our love was now complete. I learned to love her absolutely and completely. There is no room for any other. I gave her all. The Lord answered my pray on Sept. 17, 2009, at 7:10 and healed her as he called her home to be with Him. I will always love her. Jim

I knew this day would come. I wondered several times what it would be like and how I would feel. I don't know how I feel. I want to take comfort in the fact that she will be in heaven but some weird part of me is scared that it might not be true. I am also scared for her. What is it gonna feel like? What will it be like? A family friend wrote this to my sister: "I am so sorry to hear that Michelle for your sake and your families! I hope these days will be filled with peace, closeness and even joy that comes from God. I picture God, in heaven, eagerly waiting for your mom to come join him for a great walk and talk together. What a joy for her to be whole and well again. I will be praying for all of you! What a hard time for you."
I hope it's true.

Where have I been

Not sure. I think trapped somewhere between my full-time job as asst. manager, wife and mother! Pretty sure I am tired ALL of the time. Whatever, I've given up on sleep. I should be sleeping now but of course, I cannot. Tonight will be the night that Will sleeps soundly and mommy will toss and turn. It's always something.
I've become very aware that we will never be financially "ahead". It's like every week I think, "This will be the week that we have extra spending money." And then BAM!, the car breaks or some other bill I forgot about surfaces in the mailbox. How is it that I made this budget on a spreadsheet and it says we have all this extra money every month but I can never find it?? It could be partially because of my addiction to buying adorable clothing for my son. I'm not fully ready to admit that though!

shots, work and laundry

So Will had his 2 month check-up on Thursday. I knew he'd be getting shots and I wasn't terribly concerned. I figured he'd cry and life would move on. I mean I'm not heartless I just realize that it's a necessity of life. He had a chest x-ray a week or so ago and it was hard to watch but I knew he was actually ok and I knew they needed to find out what was wrong so I wasn't really upset about it. Part of the reason I am this way is because I was a very sick child. I spent most of my childhood at Children's hospital so I know about needles and uncomfortable tests. I was also placed into a coma and I found out when I was older that they weren't sure if I would ever wake up out of that coma but they had to do it so I would get better. I, obviously, did wake up a week later. I had to learn to walk, skip, jump, etc. again. It was quite the experience... but enough about that. So he got one oral vaccination and three other shots. I thought they would give them all at once but no such luck. Two shots in on thigh and one in the other. He cried so hard I thought I would lose it. Luckily, Jeff was there, too. My heart just broke for him. He stopped crying not long after and seemed to be doing well. Then at about 7pm he just lost it. He screamed for almost 45 min. straight. I held him every different way but I just couldn't comfort him. His leg was red and swollen. The Tylenol wasn't working. I think he actually just cried himself into exhaustion. I don't really think it was me that comforted him. He woke up today much better but still crabby and refusing to take more that a 30 minute nap here and there today.
I talked to my boss today about when I'd be back at work. It's such a strange thing. I want to go back to work because I need to get out but at the same time I don't wanna leave Will. 32 days until I am offically back:( I train for two days prior. I have a new computer system to learn. I am scared. I was so good at the old system and now everyone has a leg up on me. They've all been on the new system for 3 months! I am the asst. and I'm gonna look like a total ass asking my employees what to do. Plus, there are some employees who will relish my ignorance and that makes me angry.
I am so sick of doing laundry and washing/steralizing bottles! I means seriously, it's like it never ends. It's only gonna be harder when I'm back at work. I'll be coming home only to do more work. That's what I mean about being torn about going back. Part of me wants to something besides laundry, but, on the other hand, I realize I will just have to do both:(

Shopping day!!!!

I went out with my boss and a co-worker for my boss' birthday. We got a pedicure and then headed to Albertville for some shopping. We had to hit the Coach outlet because we are all so addicted. Although I am not as bad as the two of them. I only have three Coach purses. They probably each have seven or eight! I have been wanting a Coach diaper bag forever so I browsed around and found the cutest one ever. Luckily, it was majorly marked down so I didn't feel too bad. Plus, my boss chipped in on it as an early bday present! (I freakin' love her!!!!) Then we headed to P.F. Chang's in Maple Grove for lunch. I love that place. Will accompanied us the whole time. He was a little angel. He only got fiesty when he was hungry. As soon as we got home we took a nap together on the couch.... I got up but he still needed some more beauty sleep!

I am up way too late, or maybe it's too early. I woke up at 3am and Will was still sleeping. He went to bed at 8:30pm. He woke up 12:30am crying.... thinking he was hungry, we fixed him a bottle. He didn't eat at all and just fell back to sleep. He woke up again at 1:30am-ish and ate about 3 oz. (He ate 4, but then spit up some.) So I woke up at 3am and was concerned because it doesn't seem like he's eaten enough. He woke up a short time later and ate 3oz. He usually eats at least 4oz. at a feeding but I could hardly keep him awake to eat the 3 oz.!!! I'm probably worrying for nothing. Leave it to me to worry about him when I should be sleeping. I mean this is one of the first nights he slept this well and instead of taking advantage of it, I worry!
On a lighter note, I tried on my pre-pregnancy jeans again. I try them on like everyday... I know it's ridiculous but I figure it's good motivation to lose the weight. Although, even when I don't fit into them it usually drives me to eat some sort of crappy food. You would think I would stay away from the "bad" foods because I want to fit back into them.... but no! Anyway, I fit into two pair! I can actually button and zip them. They don't fit exactly the same as before I was pregnant but I am still happy! The fact that my thighs fit into them in amazing. I gained weight in my thighs a lot when I was pregnant (and my ass!) but not my calves.... so you can imagine how sexy that looked. I still haven't evened it out but it's better now:).
I really wanna start working out more but it's hard. We got a membership to the YMCA a couple weeks ago. We've only been there once since:( It's hard because we have Will. Our membership does include the on-site daycare for up to 2 hours per day. He can't go till he's six months old though... one more week! I would go by myself but aside from being completely unmotivated, I hate working out alone. I only have 7 more pounds to lose, but A LOT of muscle to tone:( I wasn't super toned before but now it's like the Pillsbury doughboy!
I have new hair!!! I have been watching "Friends" again (I have all ten seasons and I go in spurts of watching though them) and I love when Rachel cuts her hair in season 7. I decided to do the same style. I also colored my hair. It's pretty much my natural color only a bit richer. I wanted to go closer to my natural color so I wouldn't have to color it so often. I won't have the time or money to do it anymore (daycare will pretty much be sucking away all the "fun" money we used to have). I think it's very cute and super easy to do. I can pretty much just blowdry it and go which is a huge lifesaver since I never have time to do it anymore:)
I just signed up at audible.com. It's a website that let's you download audiobooks for your mp3 player. I pay like $7/month and I can download one book/month. I can download more but all book after that will be 30% off. I do enjoy reading but it's nice to have audiobooks because I can plug my Zune in when I'm driving, getting my hair done, working out (if I ever do that).... it's great!! I also listen to it while I am falling asleep. I just downloaded Jodi Picoult "Plain Truth". I'm really enjoying it so far.
I suppose I should try to sleep since he'll probably be up in like an hour to eat!!!!

Will decided yesterday that he was too tired to stay awake while I bathed him! So he just slept though it all.... even while I washed his hair! It was hilarious. It's also weird that in my last post I said he would sleep in the tub if he could.... I guess he took me up on it!

BabyCenter Horoscopes

Parent (Gemini) & Parent (Leo):
What a lively and fun parenting team! Together you are enthusiastic, vibrant, and able to adapt to the changing needs of your family. The Gemini parent is more cerebral, encouraging the little ones to talk and play, drawing out their curiosity, and engaging them in games, puzzles, or other fun mental activities. Your jokes make the little ones laugh, and they delight in your youthful energy and playful mind.

The Leo parent is also great fun but much more dramatic: You're the one who will help neighborhood kids put on plays in your backyard. You bring stability and leadership to the scene. Your children will look up to you, which suits you just fine! You'll be the more likely parent to assert your authority and insist on strong discipline and good behavior from your children.

About the Gemini Parent

The Great Communicator

As a Gemini parent, you bring a sense of fun and humor to your household. You love to challenge your family intellectually, so you can often be found working on crossword puzzles with your kids or playing a game of Scrabble after dinner.

Conversation and debate are an integral part of your family life. You love reading to your children, taking them to a movie, or watching a TV show together, and then discussing it afterward. You value a keen mind and will raise your kids to be as sharp-witted, curious, and opinionated as you are.

Communication is one of your strengths, but as a Gemini, you tend to intellectualize your emotions, getting caught up in logic and skimping on your intimate connections. So be sure to let your children know how you feel, especially how much you love and support them. And be openhearted and comforting when they need it.

Your children will adore your fun-loving, mercurial mind. Your tastes change often, and your kids are likely to find this both exciting and stimulating.

But be sure to provide them with a stable base as well. Children need continuity and routine, and it's important that you provide your kids with rituals they can count on, such as regular family dinners, a bedtime routine, time to do their homework and exercise, and so on. You can bring spontaneity and amusement into your family life in other arenas to far better effect.

About the Leo Parent

Proud and Warm

As a Leo parent, you're all about family loyalty, protection, and affection. You're passionate and genuine in your emotional displays, so your children know when you're in a warm, enthusiastic mood -- and they're equally aware of when you're feeling blue.

With your natural courage, energy, and love of the spotlight, you're likely to be the center of the family, and you set the emotional tone for your children and partner. When you're feeling appreciated, life shines for all of you, but when you're feeling overlooked or undervalued, you can become quite upset and sensitive indeed. Leo is the royal sign, after all, and royalty does not like to be snubbed!

Your children love your generosity, and you shower them with frequent gifts and other grand gestures. If your son or daughter has a friend over and everyone's in a fine mood, you'll take the whole bunch out for dinner, a movie, and some ice cream, or something even more extravagant, whether or not you can afford it. It's all about treating your loved ones well.

But you do like to be thanked for your efforts. You have a proud side, as well as an insecure one, and when your benevolence is not acknowledged, you can work yourself into a real state. That lion's roar will be heard through the whole household! Deep down, you know your family adores you as fiercely and unreservedly as you adore them, and any family conflict is generally sorted out quickly.

Parent (Gemini) & Child (Pisces)-
You'll have to stretch a bit to give your sweet, sensitive Pisces child the affection she craves -- "warm and cuddly" isn't exactly in your repertoire. But even though you might consider that kind of behavior a little on the sappy side, your little Pisces needs just that sort of closeness.

While you're more of a thinker, she's emotional and intuitive to the core. She senses the world through impressions and bits of instinct that kick in at unexpected times. You'll find that she's very tuned in to your needs and feelings, but no one knows better than you that your needs and feelings change fast. Some might even call you capricious -- and your Pisces child does best with a constant, sure connection. She needs your emotional support, so be sure to connect with her in that way without intellectualizing your feelings.

About the Pisces Child

The Dreamer

A deeply creative imagination enhances your Pisces child's experience of life, imbuing it with varied hues and shimmering possibilities. You might find her staring off into space, but there's plenty going on in that unfathomable mind of hers -- feelings, impressions, and bits of intuition woven together in a rich mosaic of perception.

Pisces children are incredibly tender and compassionate, and they need extra affection from their parents. Your little Pisces may want to be held nonstop as a baby and will still need plenty of hugs, kisses, and encouragement as she grows older.

Pisces children are often more concerned with their instincts than with logic, and more interested in their dreams or fantasies than in "real life." As the parent of a Pisces child, you can help to ground her in reality; avoidance and escapism are typical Piscean traits.

So is idealism. Your Pisces child may have grand visions of the way life could and should be, which will then fall flat in the harsh light of reality.

Since your little Pisces is so emotionally sensitive (as well as physically and psychically), you'll need to be careful which people and influences you expose her to and what you feed her. Don't be surprised if she brings home stray kittens and other friends in need. Her heart's capacity to love and serve is enormous -- sometimes to a fault.

Your Pisces child needs to protect herself against people who would take advantage of her giving and gullible nature, and that's one area in which you, as her parent, can step in.

I forgot to add these.... I love bath time with him. He just loves being in the water. I think he would sleep in his tub if he could:)

Time flies when you.... have a baby?

It has already been a month since Will was born. It really doesn't seem like it's been that long. I realized that I will be going back to work in 8 weeks! CRAP! I'm torn. Part of me doesn't want to go back but another part if me would like to. I guess working part-time would be ideal but that is not an option. I carry all the medical, dental, etc. and even after the daycare costs I would still be bringing home money. So I guess I know what I will be doing.

William Jeffrey Sauvageau

William Jeffrey is here. Born February 22, 2009 at 5:46pm. 6lbs. 6oz. 20 inches long. Labor didn't seem long. I spent most of it at home. We got to the hospital around 3pm and by 5pm I was pushing. It's so strange to be home with him. We spent 9 months preparing and wondering what he would look like. It has really changed our lives, for the best. We spend our nights watching him sleep and laughing at all his facial expressions and noises.
Sometimes I feel a bit overwhelmed. It's the realization that we are responsible for him and raising him. It's quite the scary thought. I mostly just try to take it one day at a time and not freak out!

Almost done...

We will be able to paint Will's room by this weekend! I'm so stinkin' excited! It seems like it has taken forever but the guy said he should be finishing it up by tomorrow. So I figure by Friday we can start painting. Then it's carpet, closet organizer and then all his stuff gets moved in:) It will be so much more real! I've been wanting to put his stuff away for the last week. I feel a strong urge to "nest" over this past week. I'm hoping that's due to the room being almost ready and not Will being ready to make his entrance! I will be posting pictures of newly painted room hopefully by next week!

So I'm gonna start having a panic attack soon. We still have not laid carpet or painted Will's room! I am T minus 6 weeks away from his arrival and there is so much to do. The room still needs to be tapped and muded one more time but my uncle has gone MIA so now we have to get someone else to do it. Since my Dad is shelling out the money up front for this work to get done I'm trying not to get on his case but I can't be painted the room when I'm huge pregnant!
I went to the doctor today. I start weekly appts in two weeks! I'm already near the weight limit and I have 6 weeks to go so I decided to ask my doctor if that was bad. She said she wasn't concerned. She doesn't think I'll be gaining much more weight. We'll see about that! My new favorite thing is ice cream..... which I prefer to call "ASS" cream since it's going straight to my ass!
I'm a little worried about having post-pardum. I find myself already feeling overwhellmingly sad at times for no real reason. I know it's hormonal so I can usually cope with it. Once Will is here though I won't have the time to talk myslef down. The good news is Jeff can take up to 8 weeks of paternity leave. He can use vacation time and sick time. He already has over 60 hours of sick time accrued so we're thinking he'll take three weeks off. I'm so happy. It will be so nice to have him around for the first few weeks. We can double team everything and maybe we'll even get some sleep!